Overcoming Food Guilt and Shame These Holidays

“I can't wait to have Grandma’s stuffing!”

“I hope the gravy turns out as good as it did last year.”

“Should I have pumpkin pie or pecan pie? Maybe I should wait and see which one looks better…”

These are the thoughts on everyone’s mind in the days before Thanksgiving.

And for many people, the day after Thanksgiving sounds something like this:

“Ugh, I really overdid it. It was bad enough that I ate two helpings of stuffing swimming in gravy, but then I had to have pecan pie AND pumpkin pie piled high with whipped cream? What was I thinking?”

That, my friends, is classic food guilt – and I'm here to tell you to stop it. Seriously.

I'm all too familiar with that vicious cycle: First, you indulge a bit more than usual on a special occasion or eat something you normally stay away from. (For me, that's anything and everything involving pastry.)

Afterward, you feel guilty about it and then starve yourself for the next few days as “punishment”.

You know what happens next… your body isn't getting enough calories to function, you’re haaangry and snapping at everyone who crosses your path, and the next thing you know, you’re crumpling up now-empty bags of chips and boxes of cookies and stuffing them in the bottom of the trash can where you hope no one will see them.

Then, of course, you feel guilty and ashamed all over again, and the cycle repeats.

Food guilt vs food shame

When you beat yourself up over something you did or didn’t do related to food, like stopping for fast food on the way home last night, that’s food guilt.

When those negative feelings are about you as a person, such as thinking you’re a loser or you’ll never reach your goals, that’s food shame.

Some of us end up feeling BOTH of these emotions after overindulging. I know I used to.

Although these feelings are pretty common, I should mention that some of this can be a sign of disordered eating, so it's important to seek help if this happens to you more often than you'd like.

But for those of us who experience it occasionally, I have some useful tips for overcoming these negative emotions and thinking about food with a healthier attitude.

6 tips for overcoming food guilt and shame

1.      Reframe your thinking

We hear a lot about good foods and bad foods, but the truth is that all food is fuel for our bodies­ – and we cannot live without it.

Think of food as being like the gas you put in your car: without it, your car won't even start, much less bring you anywhere, and your body is much the same way. All types of “fuel” are still going to get you where you need to go, but the “premium” nutritious foods just make everything run better. Food may be a basic necessity, but it should also be enjoyable. It exists to nourish us, not punish us.

Moralizing your food as being “good” or “bad” makes it too easy to apply those same judgments to yourself. If you think brownies are bad, you're going to feel like you are bad when you eat them. Then, you might feel like you've blown all your efforts when you have one, so you might as well eat a few more.

When you think like this, you'll end up taking in a lot more calories than you would have had you just let yourself enjoy the first brownie without making it so emotionally charged.

Pro tip: Don't think of foods in terms of good or bad – think of them as everyday foods, sometimes foods, or special treat foods. Remember that food is your body's fuel, and some of it fuels it in an ideal way and some doesn't, but none of it is inherently “bad”.

2.      Trust your body

Our bodies are smart machines – that's how God created them. If you generally follow a healthy diet like a whole food, plant-based diet, its mechanisms are probably already working pretty well and your body knows what to do with those extra indulgences.

It will bounce back pretty quickly once you get back to eating more nutritious food – NOT starving it or imposing some crazy restrictions on yourself. Eating adequate and nutritious food is crucial in helping your body function properly.   

3.      Eat mindfully

Have you ever noticed how a lot of those moments of indulgence seem to happen somewhere other than the dining table? Okay, maybe your Thanksgiving pie-fest happened in full view of your extended family, but how many times have you eaten cookie after cookie standing up in the kitchen as they come out of the oven without even realizing how many you’ve polished off?

Mindful eating can counter this. Eat when you’re hungry (side note: if you suffer from an eating disorder, your hunger signals may be off. Seek help first.). Place whatever you want to eat on a nice plate or bowl, sit down at a table, turn off your smartphone and TV, and really focus on the sight, texture and flavor of each bite. Let yourself truly enjoy the food before you and thank God for the opportunity you have and the blessings surrounding you.

4.      Find a balance

One way you can indulge a bit more nutritionally is by balancing what you're eating. I can't say that I eat traditional pizza very often, but when I do, I put a slice (or two) on my plate and fill the rest of it up with salad or raw veggies. That way, I get to enjoy what I want, my body gets the nutrients it needs and I’m far less likely to go back and finish off the rest of the box.

5.      Accept imperfection

A lot of people feel guilty about food because they expect themselves to be perfect  – and who can blame them when we’re constantly bombarded with images of beautiful people living their best lives on social media?

But the truth is that there is no such thing as perfect. In fact, the only time there was perfection here on Earth was right after God commanded our creation into existence and Adam and Eve were living in the Garden of Eden.

They are the only humans who knew perfection – imagine how difficult it must have been for them when they were evicted from Eden after doing the one thing that God forbid!

This may be why we all crave perfection so much. And although our species did experience it thousands of years ago, it's just not possible to achieve these days, so don't be so hard on yourself!

6.      Look at the bigger picture

When you’re undoing the top button of your jeans after eating a particularly rich meal, you might think you’re never going to reach a healthy weight, but ask yourself a question:

“What am I going to remember 1 year, 5 years, or 10 years from now – the amount of food I ate or didn’t eat, or the experience I had enjoying a meal with loved ones?”

Looking back, you probably won’t remember 2020 as the year you ate way too much pie – but you will remember all the family surrounding you and the joy you felt at that table.

Sometimes a little perspective is all we need.

Don’t let food guilt take away the joy of living. That isn’t what God wants for us. When you overindulge, show yourself forgiveness and compassion, and remember that you’re only human. One meal or snack is just a small part of your overall diet. Give yourself a hug, and move on!